YOU will have been delighted to learn, via The Sun, that the Government is still splashing out your cash like there’s no tomorrow on a whole bunch of deranged and utterly superfluous projects.
So, while the pensioners have been shivering this winter, they can at least be consoled that the Government has bunged a university a million quid for research into “intersectional inclusion”.
In the US, Elon Musk has been charged with the task of getting rid of all this excremental nonsense[/caption]
Exeter University was given £247,132 for a study into ‘queer animals’ (stock photo)[/caption]
And while there’s no money to mend the potholes or make the trains run on time, £214,000 has been spent finding out how robots might help the trans community.
My favourite is the £247,132 grant given to Exeter University. This is for study into “queer animals”. Vital, that. But also dangerous — I hope they’re insured. Go round asking wild animals if they bat for the other side and you might get a bit of a mauling.
Especially in Exeter, because seagulls, especially herring gulls, are very heterosexual. They’re old-fashioned that way.
Ask a herring gull if it’s “queer” and it’ll likely take your eye out. As well as nick your chips. I suppose they might have more luck with kittiwakes. They’re deffo gay.
All of these absurd grants — for comparatively small sums, but boy do they add up — on wokerama are evidence that the Government still thinks it has money to burn.
As is the revelation that we’re spending £15billion on foreign aid. Including grants to help Bangladeshis farm prawns. Which they’ve been doing for decades.
And some weird scheme where we bung a bunch of Porsches to the Albanian prison service.
That’s not all, of course. Our NHS is supposedly strapped for cash. Can’t buy a bandage.
And yet it still manages to employ 800 diversity and inclusion officers, sometimes on salaries of £90,000 per year. Madness.
How about we sack them and spend the money on nurses and doctors?
The bloated civil service is almost as bad. Some 400 diversity and inclusion officers there.
All helping to make our country less meritocratic than it is right now.
Meanwhile, our Armed Services spend nearly £2million per year on the same thing. We may not have the manpower to take on Russia. But at least we won’t dead-name the Russian soldiers or refer to them by the wrong pronoun.
In the US, Elon Musk has been charged with the task of getting rid of all this excremental nonsense which either actively damages the country or is so superfluous as to be meaningless.
His Department of Government Efficiency (Doge) has already started cutting out all this needless and often poisonous crap. Bloomberg estimates it has saved the US $50billion already.
Wailing of lefties
And Musk has only been on the job for less than a month.
We need the same thing here, right now.
People often complain when they hear about the number of diversity officers we’re wasting taxpayers’ cash on.
Or stupid research into homosexual seagulls. And they always end by saying: “Ahh, but there’s nothing that can be done about it.”
But Elon Musk has showed that there is, if you have the determination and are prepared to listen to the wailing of the Lefties.
Me, I like hearing the lefties wail. The louder the better.
If we really are strapped for cash — and we certainly seem to be — let’s not waste that hard-earned money any more.
No more overseas aid. No more diversity officers. No more frittering it away on grants to universities to do psychotically-demented projects.
Spend the money where it is really needed. And spend less of it.
WHALE: OOPS, MY BAD
The Chilean bloke who got swallowed by a whale has been interviewed everywhere – but what about the whale?[/caption]
I’M sure you all saw that story about the Chilean bloke who got swallowed by a whale.
He was interviewed everywhere.
I have an exclusive for you, though. Here’s what the WHALE – whose name was Barney – had to say. Via the Cetacean News Agency: “Well, I was just swimming along, minding my own business.
“Hoovering up the krill, as you do. Anyway, completely by accident I swallow this big flapping thing, which stuck in my throat.
“I get a horrible taste of metal, rubber and, worst of all, Spaniard. I have swallowed a Chilean!
“And it will be on every bloody evening news programme. Embarrassed, I cough him out.
“A distant ancestor of mine swallowed some Jewish bloke called Jonah and we haven’t heard the last of it for almost 3,000 years.
“Don’t want that again. The missus said I should have eaten him, regardless of the taste, as payback for General Pinochet.
“But live and let live is what I say, except if you’re krill, obvs.”
Brave Kemi
KEMI Badenoch, the leader of the Conservatives (remember them?), has said some cultures are better than others.
That’s kind of beyond dispute, isn’t it? She added: “It’s only contentious to say this because honesty has become impossible. People should not be afraid to speak out. We will be proud of our country.”
Right on all counts. And brave of her to say it. But it needed saying.
STICK CLOSE TO U.S.
JD Vance delivered some home truths in his speech to the European leaders[/caption]
I THOUGHT JD Vance’s speech to the European leaders was superb. He delivered some home truths. And about time.
But I do worry about Trump’s approach to Ukraine.
The President said he would end the war in one day. Well, that’s very easy to do if you just give Vladimir Putin everything he wants.
And the more he gets what he wants, the more he is likely to take in the future.
It is also grotesquely immoral to expect Ukraine to sign a deal giving the US 50 per cent of its precious metals.
Not since World War Two have we needed a better relationship with the US.
We need that influence to prevent Trump’s ore-deranged schemes.
Barking mad
I HAVE been reading dog experts explaining what your pooch is trying to tell you.
One they missed out is what my dog Jessie does every night. She comes up to me or the missus where we are sitting watching TV.
Then she looks at us.
And then her arse expels the most lethal gas ever known to mankind. The pot plants wither and the sofa has scorch marks.
That is Jessie trying to tell us: “I would quite like to be let out so I can lay an enormous cable, please.”
TALK ABOUT WEIRD
A dog walker decided to tell me how winter is the coldest of all the seasons[/caption]
I WAS out walkin’ the dog, and in a bit of a hurry.
Then I bumped into a bloke walking his dog and he decided to chat.
This is how the convo went . . .
“Bbbbrrr. Cold today, isn’t it?” he said, rubbing his hands together.
“Yes, freezing . . . ”
“You know why that is? It’s because it’s winter. Winter is often very cold.”
“Ah, yes, you’re . . .
“Soon it will be spring. Spring is substantially warmer than winter.”
“Yes, I see, um, I really need . . . ”
“And then, in a few months, it will be summer. That will be much warmer, you see. Warmer than winter and spring.”
“Aaah, yes,” (clawing at my wrists).
“But then, you know, it gets colder again, with autumn.”
“Yes, yes yes, and then . . . ”
“You’ve got it! Back to winter. Which is the coldest of all the seasons. Oh, goodbye, nice talking to you . . . ”
I NOTICE that the audience figures for Doctor Who have slumped. Again.
One show pulled in just 2.25million viewers.
When will Russell T Davies, who writes the dross, and the BBC realise that nobody wants a woke Doctor Who?
We don’t want queer Cybermen and trans Daleks. We don’t want to be lectured to and brainwashed.
We just want a bit fun, you progressive drongos.
Call Bruce, it’s comet sense
We’d better ring Bruce Willis up about the comet heading towards us[/caption]
I SEE that comet heading towards us now has a one in 32 chance of hitting us.
Those are incredibly low odds for such a catastrophe.
I think we’d better ring Bruce Willis up, sharpish.
Or just hope it lands on Putin’s head. That’ll do us all a favour.
Useless Reeves
THE inflation rate has risen again.
After all the good work done by Rishi Sunak, Rachel Reeves has undone it in six months.
Her Budget has wrecked the economy. And now the cost of living will be edging upward again.
And we have next to no economic growth because Reeves put up National Insurance contributions for businesses.
Have we ever had a more useless Chancellor?
