Once upon a time, Prince Andrew was renowned for his decadent birthday parties, with an invitation being one of the hottest tickets in town. For example, when he turned 40 in 2000 he celebrated with a lavish party in Windsor Castle.
The guest list was a veritable who’s who of big names, but Andrew made sure his two best buds were present. After all, what’s a birthday party without good ol’ Jeffrey Epstein and the charming Ghislaine Maxwell there to watch you blow out the candles and make a wish?
Cut to the present. Jeffrey Epstein is the century’s most notorious pedophile and was found dead in his Manhattan jail cell. Ghislaine Maxwell was convicted of sex trafficking underage girls and is serving a 20-year sentence behind bars. Andrew’s reputation is toast after being caught up in their criminal activities, and his only real use is as a rallying cry for British republicanism.
All of which means Andrew’s 65th birthday party next week is going to be a brutally small and depressing affair. As per The Sun, the location isn’t being publicized, likely as anyone brave enough to be photographed attending would blast a hole in their reputation. However, it’s likely that Andrew won’t have to leave home at all, as the party will almost certainly take place in one of his rooms at the Royal Lodge he’s resident in.
As for guests? Well, we expect Andrew’s ex-wife Sarah Ferguson to be there (if only because she lives in the lodge too) and his daughters, Eugenie and Beatrice. And, as far as family goes, that may be it. The next generation of Royals, including William and Kate, see Andrew as radioactive and won’t carve any space out of their schedules for him.
His siblings don’t seem keen on him either. King Charles is still engaged in a battle to get Andrew out of the Royal Lodge to save some money, Princess Anne sees him as an embarrassment, and Prince Edward prefers to keep a lower profile that doesn’t include cozying up to his disreputable brother. So don’t expect any of them to attend or even acknowledge Andrew’s birthday through social media. Maybe they’ll send a card, or at least task some servant to arrange that for them. After all, as far as the wider family goes Andrew is best kept out of sight and firmly out of mind.
But there are a few people who might show up. Racehorse-owning brothers Guy and Ben Sangster will apparently socialize with him, as well as Formula 1 mogul Bernie Ecclestone and — a little shockingly — Elton John and Michael Caine. Elton no! You can do better! Caine, on the other hand, I’m somewhat less surprised by.
Fortunately, there’s one set of guests Prince Andrew can rely on. I am, of course, talking about his beloved plushie collection. Given how particular he is about their arrangement and little thrones, we can very easily imagine a beaming and clapping Andrew sitting at a small table as his cake is delivered, with Mr. Hippo and Ms. Panther sitting alongside him and a very special bear holding a heart sat opposite. These guests might not be much for conversation, but at least you can’t sense any seething judgment behind their sewn-on eyes. Well, maybe a smidge from Mr. Hippo.
