DEAR DEIDRE: MY son is being taken to the cleaners by his cheating wife.
She had an affair, then left him, and now she’s trying to bleed him dry financially. As his mum, I can’t bear to see the terrible effect it’s having on him.
I’m 64 and my only son is 39. He and his wife, 37, have two children.
Six months ago, he found out she was having an affair with a work colleague. She told him she no longer loved him and wanted to end the marriage.
They agreed to separate. He was devastated, but wanted to do the right thing by her and his children.
So he offered to go 50/50 on the sale of the house and to provide equal care to the children – half a week each.
He also agreed to pay her maintenance, and to pay for all the children’s activities, clothes and childcare.
All he wanted was enough money to buy a small flat for himself, where he could put up the children, and enough to have a basic living.
Stupidly – against my advice – he didn’t get a solicitor, saying it was too expensive, and believing they could split and arrange everything amicably.
But now she wants more equity from the house and more maintenance, and she says he can only have the kids at weekends.
Plus, he’s still paying all the bills and her share of the mortgage.
He doesn’t have enough to live on and I’m having to keep bailing him out.
His mental health is suffering. He’s not sleeping or eating properly, and he’s become very depressed.
What can I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Sometimes, it’s impossible to keep things amicable.
Your son is clearly a good man and a loving father but he really needs professional legal help. If he can’t afford it, then this would be a better use of your money than bailing him out.
Usually, a solicitor will provide the first session for free.
He and his wife might benefit from mediation. Give him my support pack, Thinking Of Divorce, which has useful information and links to organisations who can help.
Encourage him to go to the doctor and get help with his depression. Show him my support pack about this too.
Keep on talking to him and being there for him.
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