HOLDING her breath Trish Hinde creeps quietly past her father’s bedroom.
Pressing herself against the wall, the then six-year-old pretended to be a butterfly, or a ladybird, melting into the pattern on the wallpaper.
She says he would call her into his room every time she walked past[/caption]
Gerard King was jailed three years ago for raping and sexually abusing Trish[/caption]
For if her father heard her footsteps, or even sensed her breathing, she would be ordered into his room for an almost daily ritual of sickening sexual abuse.
Gerard King was jailed three years ago for raping and sexually abusing Trish, now 37, throughout her childhood.
And now the brave mum of four has written a book; ‘Not My Fault’ which tells the story of her journey through horrific trauma, to the happiness and stability she enjoys today.
Trish, from Manchester, says: “My father would always tell me the abuse wasn’t his fault, that he was simply made that way.
“So I thought it must be my fault, instead. I grew up believing that I was responsible.
“Now at last I understand none of this was my fault and the shame all belongs to him.
“I am so proud that I’ve broken the cycle, and my children will grow up in a safe and loving home.”
The abuse began when Trish was just six years old, with King calling her into his bedroom as she made her way downstairs.
She says: “I had no idea what the abuse was, but I just knew I hated it.
“Afterwards, he would fall asleep with his arm clamped over me and I had to wriggle out, without waking him.
“Even to this day, I can’t bear to have an arm over me, even from my own husband. I feel trapped.”
When Trish was seven, her father kept her off school and raped her in the living room.
She says: “I felt so afraid and confused.
“I lived in a noisy, busy house, I had five older siblings and we had lots of pets. But I was completely isolated. I had nowhere to turn.”
Alone and scared, Trish internalised her trauma and later that year, she began suffering from violent seizures.
Her father took responsibility for her epilepsy care, even abusing her on hospital visits.
Medical records also suggest Trish’s father exaggerated her symptoms.
Trish says: “Dad made out I was ill, when much of the time I wasn’t. Perhaps he did it for financial gain, for benefits.
Trish has found love with her husband Craig but admits it took a long time for her to trust men again[/caption]
“Or maybe he did it to discredit me, so if I spoke out about the abuse, he could say I was unwell or unreliable.
“I certainly had seizures but I now feel they were probably stress-related, and caused by the abuse.
“I was stuck in the situation where the person responsible for my seizures was the one in charge of my care.
“On the way home from an appointment, he stopped the car and abused me in public. I was powerless to even speak out against him.
“Each time he’d remind me it wasn’t his fault, and he’d tell me he was scared of going to prison, which made me worry for him.”
With nobody to confide in, Trish turned to her pets for comfort. She confided in her dog, Tyson, her two Guinea pigs, three rabbits and two hamsters.
She says: “Tyson was my best friend. I told him everything. My other pets lived in the garden shed and I spent hours feeding them clover and giving them cuddles.
I wanted to shout it at the top of my voice, but I was too afraid, and despite myself, I felt sorry for him
Trish Hinde
“My guinea pigs had three babies, and I adored them. They were so cute.”
But when Trish was nine years old, she went out to the shed one morning to find her one of her guinea pigs was dead.
She says: “I ran back into the house, screaming. The guinea pig was cold and looked as though it had been sliced into pieces.
“There was a lock on the shed, and no sign of a break-in. At first, I thought one of the other animals had attacked him, but he was in a cage on his own.”
A couple of days later, Trish found another guinea pig dead, and then a rabbit. The deaths became a sinister pattern, one or two bodies every week, until all of her pets had gone.
She says: “Each morning, I went outside hardly daring to look in the cages, to see which one was dead. One by one, they were all killed, sliced up in the same way.
“I hated going into the shed, I was terrified of what I might find, but I couldn’t leave the others without food. It was like there was a serial killer, stalking my pets. I even worried they might kill me too.
“They met a very cruel and brutal end, and it has lived with me right through my life.”
Soon after her last pet was killed when Trish was nine, her father was jailed for the sexual abuse of another child.
She says: “By now, I was starting to work out that it had happened to me too.
“I wanted to shout it at the top of my voice, but I was too afraid, and despite myself, I felt sorry for him.
“He was still my father.”
With her father in prison, and her mother working long hours, Trish watched helplessly as bailiffs carried away family possessions.
Trish says: “I got used to hiding under the table with my dog, Tyson, when the bailiffs came. They took away the microwave and the telly, we had so little left. “
With her father gone, the sexual abuse stopped, and Trish’s seizures also miraculously vanished.
In her early teens, she began skipping school and became recklessly promiscuous, often finding herself in danger.
Without realising, she became a victim of Child Sexual Exploitation.
She says: “I’d skip school and meet men, often much older than I was, and go back to their houses to drink vodka and hang out. I went out clubbing in my early teens.
“I suppose I was looking for affection and attention, and that was the only way I knew.
“I had no idea I was being groomed or exploited. Aged 14, I had a boyfriend in his mid 30’s. I was really out of my depth.”
She says she reported her childhood abuse many times, in a letter to social workers, in an essay she wrote at school and to a therapist.
But, despite her father being jailed for abusing another child, she says her complaint never went any further.
How to report a sexual assault
- Contact a doctor or practice nurse at your GP surgery.
- Contact a voluntary organisation, such as Rape Crisis, Women’s Aid, Victim Support, The Survivors Trust or Male Survivors Partnership.
- Call the 24-hour freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, on 0808 2000 247.
- Speak to the rape and sexual abuse support line run by Rape Crisis England and Wales – you can call the helpline on 0808 500 2222 or use the online chat (both are free and are open 24 hours a day, every day of the year).
Trish says: “Each time, nothing was done, and I began to suspect it was my fault, after all. I lost faith in the system.”
Trish became suicidal and despairing. Her relationships seemed doomed because she had damaging flashbacks and her seizures returned whenever she became intimate.
The memory of her father’s arm, pinning her to the bed, was so powerful that it triggered her epilepsy.
The one man who should have loved and protected me, instead tried to destroy me
Trish Hinde
But in 2014, she met her husband, Craig Hinde, now 39, who works in banking.
They now have four children, Jacob, now eight, Oscar, seven, Jessica, five, and one year old Ohana, and Trish credits her husband and children for turning her life around.
Trish was at first overly protective of her children and did not like her husband looking after their daughter.
She says: “Craig is a wonderful father, I knew the problem was with me, not him.
“But I could not trust anyone with my daughter. I saw all men as a threat.”
Realising her past history was damaging her marriage, she decided to go to the police.
In April 2022, Gerard King, 59, was convicted of rape, indecent assault and indecency with a child at Chester Crown Court. He was jailed for 16 years.
Trish maintains the court case and conviction were not important to her.
She says: “What mattered was that someone listened to me. Someone believed me, after 25 years. That means everything.”
Trish has written a book about her experiences, called: ‘Not My Fault’ published by Mirrorbooks.
She says: “I never want to see my father ever again.
“The one man who should have loved and protected me, instead tried to destroy me.
“I no longer feel guilty that he is in jail because I’ve finally realised it is precisely where he belongs.
“And if being in prison scares him, he has only himself to blame.
“I have learned, after 30 years of holding myself responsible, that none of this is my fault.”
Trish is now moving on with a family of her own[/caption]
She says that she has finally let go of the fault she was holding onto[/caption]
