How do I support my terminally ill daughter when she’s pushing everyone away?

DEAR DEIDRE: THE news that my daughter is dying of cancer has broken my heart.

I want to be there to support her but she’s pushing everyone away.

I’m 60 and my daughter is 35. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer five years ago.

At first, we thought the surgery and chemotherapy had been successful. But a few months ago, tests showed her treatments weren’t working and it had spread to her lungs, liver and brain.

She’s been told there’s nothing more they can offer her apart from palliative care.

I am devastated but trying not to show her, as I don’t want to upset her more. 

She’s been very brave up until now, but she has withdrawn and says she doesn’t want to see anyone – even close friends and family.

The treatments have been hard on her physically, and she’s lost all her confidence. 

To me, she is still my beautiful daughter. I don’t care if she’s put on weight, or if her hair hasn’t grown back.

I just want to hug her and look after her. But I also don’t want to go against her wishes.
I’ve bought her some gifts –  a cuddly toy and her favourite film, Notting Hill, on DVD, and would like to take them to her for comfort.

She lives 75 miles away, so I can’t just pop in.

Should I just send them by post instead?

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DEIDRE SAYS: This is a terribly sad situation. Facing the prospect of the loss of your child must be unbearable, and of course you want to support her.

But if she has asked not to be disturbed, it’s best to respect her wishes. She’s probably still reeling from the prognosis. 

Send the gifts with a note, saying you love her and are there for her whenever she’s ready. I’m sure she will ask for you soon.

In the meantime, you need help too. See my support pack on  and contact Macmillan Cancer Support (macmillan.org.uk).