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DEAR DEIDRE: I FEEL my son is being disloyal by enjoying lunches and football matches with his dad.

I’m 50, my son is 25 and his sister is 23.

Their father and I split up 15 years ago when I discovered he’d been having a long-running affair.

The divorce was extremely acrimonious and I was signed off work with stress.

It was hard to see my ex living in a nice house with his girlfriend – the woman he’d cheated on with me – when I was struggling to feed his kids on just £7 a week child support.

But I still encouraged them to see their dad as often as they wanted.

My son only visited him once. He found it too upsetting so he never went back.

My daughter stayed at my ex’s house every other weekend for a year.

One day she came to me in tears, saying she wanted to stop going.

She said her dad’s girlfriend was shouting, swearing and threatening her every time her dad left the room.

I have just found out that my son has started seeing his dad again and he’s even taken his own girlfriend round there for food on a Sunday with his dad. I feel quite upset.

My son doesn’t appear to have much loyalty towards his sister and I in terms of how we were treated.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s important to allow your children to have their own independent relationships with their dad.

As long as there are no safeguarding issues, it is actually better for children’s self-esteem and confidence to be able to spend time with both parents.

I do understand why it is upsetting for you but your son is an adult and can decide for himself who he wants in his life.

Perhaps he decided that this relationship is important to him, despite what happened in the past.

It may be best to accept the situation.

You’re still his mum and have been a constant throughout his life, so do try to hang on to that.

He is not going to abandon you because he’s now in touch with his dad.

My support pack, When Parents Fall Out, explains how children are affected in these situations, no matter how old they are.

DEAR DEIDRE: KIDNEY dialysis has given my wife a second chance at life but I feel like mine is over. She’s 58 and I’m 60.

She had been unwell for a while and a routine blood test revealed her kidneys weren’t functioning properly.

Now she has to use a kidney dialysis machine at home four days a week for four hours each time.

Because of this schedule, she’s had to give up work. But she’s also given up doing anything around the house.

All she does now is watch TV, knit, or snoop on the neighbours out of the window.

She never wants to go out. When I suggested a drink in our local pub, she just laughed.

I work full-time. I’m tired when I get home but before I can relax, I have to cook dinner for both of us and tidy up the mess she’s made during the day.

My weekends are spent tackling the housework and the laundry.

She also needs help to change her dressings and to shower.

I could cope with all of this if I got any affection in return but she treats me like a live-in carer.

She never touches me, has lost all interest in sex and we sleep in separate bedrooms.

The only texts I get from her are reminders to pick up her pills.

I feel guilty saying this because she’s not well but I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

DEIDRE SAYS:  Caring for another person, even a person you love very much, is incredibly hard.

It’s common to feel resentment, stress or guilt.

Talking to a sympathetic pal or relative will help you let off steam.

You might feel your wife is well enough to do housework but chronic kidney disease often causes fatigue, or anaemia which leaves people feeling exhausted.

It might be worth talking to her GP about her tiredness.

Also, reach out to Kidney Care UK (kidneycareuk.org, 0808 801 00 00).

It is a kidney patient support charity providing advice, help and financial assistance.

Have you told your wife how you’re feeling?

She’s probably been so caught up in her health struggles that she doesn’t realise the impact they are having on you.

Is there any reason why you can’t share a bed again, for instance?

Tell her how you miss being close to her – you may find that she feels the same.

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M booked in to have surgery to remove a cataract but I’m so scared I’m tempted to cancel.

At 70 I need the operation because my eyesight is so blurry and I can no longer drive at night.

But as the surgery date looms, my fears are getting worse.

What if the doctor has an “off” day and I go blind?

What if the anaesthetic doesn’t work?

I told my wife how scared I was, hoping she’d reassure me. But she just said she’d be terrified too.

DEIDRE SAYS: Do not cancel the operation. It is understandable to feel anxious before surgery.

Doctors have a lot of training on how to look after nervous patients, so you should find they soothe your fears.

If you are still worried, ask if a nurse could hold your hand during the operation.

Cataract operations usually last between 30 and 45 minutes and are painless. You’ll be fine.

If you worry a lot in everyday life, my support pack Living With Anxiety will help.

DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend hasn’t told his “work wife” about me, and I’m hurt.

I’m 34, he’s 35. We met a year ago on a dating app.

He’s so close to the receptionist at his job that he refers to her as his “work wife”.

I didn’t mind until I realised he was hiding me from her.

He won’t tell me his work phone number, “forgot” to invite me to his Christmas party and has never let me meet him at the office.

She receives the office post so I’m thinking of sending Valentine’s flowers to his job to prove I exist.

DEIDRE SAYS: If I were you I wouldn’t waste money on flowers.

Have a frank chat. Tell him that you’d love to feel you’re really a part of his life and that means meeting his family and friends, including her.

If he’s cagey or refuses, ask why. If he shows no sign of wanting to show you off, you’d be wise to consider if this is the relationship for you.

My support pack, When Your Man Won’t Commit, should help.

DEAR DEIDRE: MY new “mum friends” were secretly swapping husbands but I got caught in the crossfire and now everyone has turned against me.

I’m 24 and my partner is 25. None of our friends have kids yet so when our son started school in September, I joined the PTA to meet more parents.

That’s how I met two couples who were a little older than me but great fun.

I was thrilled my social life was picking up.

One night we went to a quiz night at the school.

The wine was flowing and I caught one dad flirting with the wife from the other couple, touching her bum as we walked in and stroking her leg under the table.

I didn’t want my other friend to be hurt so I caught her alone by the stage and casually asked if she thought her husband was acting funny.

She seemed panicky and confessed she’d been having an affair with the other dad.

I stood there in shock as she told me their liaison had been going on for two years.

She swore me to secrecy, saying she was going to call it off in the new year.

So, between the four of them, two of them were having an affair and the other two seemed about to embark on one if they hadn’t already.

For the next few months, I didn’t know where to put myself and eventually the stress got too much so I distanced myself from all of them.

But over Christmas, it all came out about the two-year affair and now the woman who confided in me is convinced I spilled the beans but I didn’t.

Since school started again, none of the other mums are talking to me. Will I be a social outcast forever?

DEIDRE SAYS: Sadly, playground politics can be brutal no matter how old you are.

You have done nothing wrong. I know you’re stressed and worried now but the truth has a habit of making itself known.

Your former friend will find out that any gossip didn’t come from you.

When she does, you’ll have to decide whether you still want to be friends with someone who leaps to conclusions so quickly.

Keep your head held high and focus on making less complicated friendships.

Look further afield and find other local parent pals.

Check out meetup.com or Peanut, an app designed by a networking expert to help women meet friends.

And read my support pack called Widening Your Social Scene.

Having a focus outside school will make pick-up times less stressful and help you stay emotionally detached from any drama.