I’m going to let you in on a secret that most people turn a blind eye to: if you simply act like you’re supposed to be where you are and doing what you’re doing, most people aren’t going to question you, and are most likely going to follow your lead.
You should, however, take caution over who you share this information with. It’s far too easy to get drunk on a mastered reality, and not everyone will use that power for good. TikTok, of course, is home to all manner of people both good and evil, though we can’t tell if this latest subject is committing an evil good or a good evil.
We only get the short form of this mystery man’s reign of terror — a mere eight-second glimpse in to what was no doubt a whole night defined by subtle chaos — but the details are all right there. This guy happened upon a random clipboard in a night club, and used its resulting sheen to give himself an official-looking air of authority; as one commenter points out, “Bro got admin permissions.” From his new social perch, he proceeded to kick random patrons out of the club for absolutely no reason, much to the bafflement of his unfortunate candidates.
Someone ought to similarly show the door to @funnypostingz, the video’s poster who seemingly aggregates viral videos without linking back to the original posters. It may be true that the internet is no less cutthroat than the Wild West, but that also frees us up to shame this account for its lack of tact in its empty quest for virality.
At the same time, this lack of information on the original poster only deepens the mystery of our clipboard hero and the world he’s now influencing. Where did this take place? What choice of words did he use to kick people out of the club? Is he still at large today, or did his journey end at the hands of a patron who wouldn’t go quietly? How many more power-hungry clipboard bandits will slip through the cracks before Al Gore makes a documentary on the psychological impact of office supplies? Ours is a time of inconvenient truths indeed.
In all likelihood, this man only targeted people who weren’t actually doing anything wrong, inadvertently threatening to undermine the collective line we have on nightclub etiquette. According to beat.com, some pointers of this etiquette include keeping your shoes on, not closing your eyes for any measurable period of time, not hijacking the bar to pour your own drink, not attempting to climb into the DJ booth, and not vomiting all over the dancefloor.
All this to say, venture safely, you partygoers. It may seem easy enough to be smart about alcohol consumption and staying in your lane, but the rogue clipboarder takes no mercy on anybody. You can be the most sober, non-disruptive person in the room, and that still won’t shield you from the enigmatic wrath of the clipboarder (in fact, it might be the very reason he seeks your ejection in the first place). He is the one who clips, he is the one who boards; all we can do is make peace with that.
