DEAR DEIDRE: I DUMPED my boyfriend after he kept letting me down, but I miss him so much. Should I call him?

He moved in with me after his mum kicked him out two years ago. He’s 29, smokes a lot and is a heavy drinker. However, he promised not to do these things in my house.

I’m 32 and barely touch booze after growing up with alcoholic parents. While emptying his gym bag to put a wash on one day, I found empty vodka bottles.

I confronted him and he said they were really old. But I know he had bought that bag weeks earlier.

The final straw was when he didn’t bother turning up to a half marathon I’d trained hard for.

Everyone from my running club had partners there. I felt so let down when he said he couldn’t afford the petrol.

I had looked forward to the day for months but, when it arrived, I couldn’t wait for it to be over.

He didn’t even ask how I got on.

We went shopping recently and he got cross because he couldn’t find what he wanted, so he took it out on me, shouting and yelling in the shop, saying I was embarrassing.

He went out with a mate and was gone all night and, when I asked where he’d been, he said he went back to a girl’s house as he “couldn’t get a taxi”.

He said he’d known her for years and they were “friends”, but I’d never even heard of her.

He had stopped contributing to our bills and we weren’t even having sex, so I ended it last week. He’s gone.

I’ve had two other failed relationships. One was with a narcissist and the other was physically abusive.

This guy was a big improvement by comparison. Was I too hasty to end things?

DEIDRE SAYS: No. Take some time out being single for a while. You’ll appreciate the peace it brings.

This man’s own mother threw him out for the same reason that you finished with him – he has no regard for anybody but himself.

A good relationship is about supporting one another. He was a no-show when you had something important going on, he has been abusive, he gaslights you and doesn’t pay his way.

Somebody who loved you wouldn’t want to hurt you and would support you. He is one of life’s freeloaders.

My support pack, Finding The Right Partner For You, will help you to see that it’s time to move on.

FELLA’S BACK ON THE DRUGS AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH

DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though my boyfriend told me he has been clean for three years, I saw a crack pipe sticking out of his coat pocket.

He swore blind it wasn’t his.

We’ve got a toddler son and a baby boy and I don’t want them anywhere near this stuff, or near a father who is on drugs.

He lives with bipolar and I got used to his manic mood swings. He doesn’t work because he has regular episodes where he can’t get out of bed and I am officially his carer. But now, I can’t trust him.

We are both 32. He leaves the house for hours and our little boy gets upset if he’s not at home before he goes to bed.

Our toddler has started to wet the bed again and he is so unsettled.

My boyfriend’s benefit money seems to disappear. I don’t believe what he tells me. I’m convinced he’s back on crack. I don’t want this relationship any more.

DEIDRE SAYS: The trust is gone. Living with an addict is stressful. You are his carer but you care for him living with his condition, not his addiction.

Your children have no choice about who they live with, but you do. He has blown his chances of saving family life.

Find out about next steps and your financial situation through rightsofwomen.org.uk, which helps with domestic abuse, divorce, housing and family law, among other things.

My support pack Ending A Relationship will help you to bring things to a close.

WIDOWED FRIEND IS TURNING TO DRINK

DEAR DEIDRE: MY best friend is a widower and he is really struggling to be a single parent to his daughter, who is 16 and seems out of control.

I’m worried for him because he seems to be going down a dark path. He really has lost his zest for life.

We have been friends for ten years, having met at work.

Although I no longer work with him, I know from former colleagues that he has been turning up late to the office, or not at all.

I’m 47 and he’s 45.

His wife had cancer and it’s been awful to watch him dealing with that.

We used to meet for a quiet pint on a Friday night, and still do, but now he just gets totally wasted.

He says his daughter has been suspended at school for bullying and she’s lazy and not helping him at home, even though he’s out at work.

He complains about her but I’m worried about him too – he’s so flat and seems to be on a spiral of self-destruction.

DEIDRE SAYS: Go to see him and explain how worried you are. He’s grieving of course, and so is his daughter. They’ve been through a very tough time.

Meeting you will be a good outlet for him to offload but maybe going out for a pizza or watching some sport would mean there’s less of a pull to drink.

He and his daughter can find six weeks of free bereavement counselling through Sue Ryder (sueryder.org, 0808 164 4572).

WIFE AND MUM AT LOGGERHEADS

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN it comes to my wife and my parents, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. They don’t get along.

We have two toddlers who are two-and-a-half and 18 months old and we live with my parents.

I met my wife on a work trip to Thailand. She is 29 and the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

I am 34 and I have never had a long-term relationship, but this woman fell for me and she moved to the UK to be with me five years ago.

We had our children in quick succession and we never had time to save for a deposit to buy a house.

My mother and my wife are both hot-headed and my wife bad-mouths my mother all the time.

She kicks off if I try to defend her. It’s awful. It’s driving a wedge between my wife and I and we’ve talked about separation. When my parents go on holiday, the house feels completely different.

Our children are attached to me, which is the ­reason we stay together. I have not been happy for three years and neither has my wife.

What can we do to work this out? I’m scared she will leave me and take our kids back to Thailand.

DEIDRE SAYS: Staying with parents when you have children or even just as a couple, can be fraught with difficulties.

If you can find a compromise where you draw up different times to use the kitchen for instance, it may help.

Living in a house of tension is very damaging for your children, so make a concerted effort to save some money so you can move out.

Perhaps your parents would stop your bed and board payments to help out so that you can get your own place.

You can find a safe way of resolving conflict through National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk, 0300 4000 636).

AT 53, Jane has recently discovered a new lust for life and sex – but just not with her 81-year-old husband.

Here, in a brutally honest account, she explains why she feels she can’t leave him and how she wishes he’d die so she would be free to pursue the passion she craves… 

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Jane recently signed up to an extra marital affairs website – and has so far had four flings (stock image)[/caption]

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Glancing over at my 81-year-old husband John fast asleep on the sofa, TV remote still in hand, I sigh quietly and roll my eyes before settling down for a night of sexting my four younger lovers.

It’s John’s fault, he drove me to this, as he was the one who insisted we watch a dull history documentary together and promptly conked out snoring.

So while he sleeps, I have no choice but to browse an extra marital affairs website. 

It’s something I’ve been doing since last January and so far I’ve messaged around 50 men. I’ve arranged meetings with 12 of them and I’ve had four fully-fledged lovers, all far younger than my husband.

I have no regrets, it’s exactly what I’ve needed while trapped in a deeply unhappy 23-year marriage.  

One I met, who I nicknamed ‘The Toyboy’, was 46 – seven years younger than me. 

If I’m completely honest my marriage was on the rocks for over a decade before I had my first affair, and – I’m ashamed to admit it – there have even been moments I wished my husband had died. 

At least then I’d be free to find happiness with someone who cares about me and gives me the affection I crave, rather then having to sneak around.

Two years ago John had an attack of angina, initially thought to be a heart attack. 

I couldn’t stop the thought popping into my head that maybe this was the release from my unhappy marriage. 

I feel like a psychopath even confessing to that awful thought but I am so trapped and lonely in my marriage with a man who’s nearly 30 years older than I am. 

And I love the feeling of potential when I meet a new man – hoping we’ll have the sexual chemistry and emotional connection that I crave, and have been deprived of for so long with my husband.

The truth is, my lovers are everything my husband isn’t – toned, energetic and full of desire – for me. 

They appreciate me and want to talk to me. Stolen moments making love in hotel rooms make me feel life is worth living.  

I do hate sneaking around and lying and people will question why I don’t just divorce. But I can’t – John is over 80, I can’t desert him now. 

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He wouldn’t find anyone else, he barely goes out any more, and certainly not without me.

I feel more like his carer, and I know that it will only get worse as he ages. All he wants is a companion and someone to see him through the end of his days – for us, it is until death do us part.

I wish I hadn’t been paralysed with indecision and fear when our marriage started going wrong about 12 years ago. 

Initially John, a former lawyer, swept me off my feet when we first met at a party over two decades ago.

He would take me to good restaurants and make me feel like I was the only woman in the room.

‘I was completely besotted’

I was 32, and he was nearly 60 but he was so full of life. He was incredibly good looking, quick witted, and fun. We both loved travelling and going to the gym.

We dated for two years, and married in an intimate registry office ceremony in 2002 followed with a party for 100 guests.

However, no one spelt out the obvious – that in 20 or so years time I’d be looking after him. 

Even if they had, I would have ignored them – I was completely besotted. 

Then the girls came along in 2006 and 2008 and we couldn’t spend as much time together.

The distance grew, and we stopped communicating. Then ten years ago we stopped having sex too.

Jane

While I was completely swept up with them and their lives, John became more distant. 

Without nights out and luxurious holidays to locations like the Maldives I had to accept the reality – that we would never have much in common. 

The distance grew, and we stopped communicating. Then ten years ago we stopped having sex too.

We had been going through the motions for five years before that, and although we still share the same bed we are like two strangers, not even sharing so much as a hug.   

I tried to talk to him about it but he had no interest, and suggestions of counselling were dismissed.

‘It fills me with panic’

Had I left him back then in 2013 I know he’d have survived without me. 

But I worried at the time about how I’d cope with two small children who were only six and four. 

Now they’re 18 and 16 and on the cusp of leaving home and all I can see in the future is rattling round our house near Rugby, Warwickshire, with just me and John.

It fills me with panic. 

When my panic first set in I didn’t look elsewhere – instead I poured my heart out to my girlfriends. 

For years the lack of sex didn’t bother me – my libido had shrivelled away like John’s. 

That was until 18 months ago when I started taking HRT for menopausal symptoms and it woke up with a vengeance. 

Suddenly I wanted sex, but John wasn’t the man I wanted to have sex with. 

That’s why in January last year I decided to look for a lover, signing up to Illicit Encounters, an extra marital affairs website. Since then I’ve had four. 

The first one was amazing, he was The Toyboy. 

He had a gorgeous physique, the sex was sensational and no position was off limits. He loved me taking the lead, we connected too, and then we fell in love. 

I wish I was free to explore proper relationships, rather than sneaking about having illicit ones. 

Jane

But it fizzled away – his children were younger than mine, and between them and his job he found it hard to find time for me. I was devastated. 

Then in October I met another man who I still see now. We have fun in bed and he lives very near me, so it’s convenient. 

But while he does make me laugh, there isn’t the emotional connection that I need so I’ll probably end it soon. 

The two other men are a year or so older than I am – but both very fit. 

One of them I like enormously, but he’s away a lot for work and pleasure so we’ve only met twice since Christmas. 

The other one will remain a one-off. 

We met in a hotel room, but he was a terrible kisser.

I should have remembered my rule from my 20s that if a man can’t turn you on through kissing, the sex will be bad too. 

So now I’m still looking – my sex drive is insatiable and I can’t stop. 

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‘I don’t like sneaking around’ 

I’m happier than I have been in years but I wish I was free to explore proper relationships, rather than sneaking about having illicit ones. 

I feel guilty for the wives of the men I’m having sex with. 

And though I don’t feel guilty about my husband as I did all I could to make the marriage work before I turned to affairs, I find it hard logistically and I don’t like sneaking around. 

I crave a full relationship, someone not only to have sex with but a man who I can snuggle up on the sofa to watch telly with – a man who wants much more than a history documentary. 

And the only way that can happen – if I am being brutally honest – is if my husband dies. 

• All names have been changed

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Sex with her toyboy lover gives Jane the passion and excitement she desires (stock image)[/caption]

FROM eye rolls to the silent treatment, navigating kids’ teenage years can be hell for parents. But would you confess to loving them less than you once did?

Mum-of-three Clare O’Reilly, 45, who is married to writer Jon, 53, and lives in Plymouth is conflicted…

Lorna Roach

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WHEN my 14-year-old daughter, Annie, told me last week that I gave her the “ick”, I rightly guessed it wasn’t a compliment.

Closing her bedroom door, I reached for my phone and Googled the definition: “Causing someone to suddenly feel a strong sense of disgust or repulsion towards you, often due to a specific behaviour or trait.” Ouch.

The action that had triggered such indignation? Asking if she wanted to join me and our three dogs for a walk.

While I should have just got the fresh air and calm I very much needed, I flung open her door and reminded her she once loved me so much she’d follow me to the toilet.

She barely looked up from her phone, but I definitely spotted an eye roll as I closed her door and headed out into the elements with my dogs Huck, Bluebell and Luna, who still love me unconditionally.

Despite the combined 68 hours I spent in labour, becoming a mother was the best thing I ever did – until now.

I miss the days of my kids’ unwavering love, but more than that, I miss when they were easy to love.

That golden era of cuddles and dreamy-eyed looks as they fell asleep in my arms – now replaced by sassiness, eye rolls and sarcastic comments.

Multiple studies have found the hardest age to parent is 15 years old and with a child on either side of that magic number, I wholly agree.

I know from friends I’m not alone, either.

Our teenagers seem to push us to breaking point almost daily, which makes it hard to love them like I did when they were easier and adored me – rather than cringing at my very presence.

Put simply, I honestly wonder whether I love them as much in their teen incarnations as I did when their little hands fitted into mine and I was the centre of their universe.

Annie insists on being dropped at least a hundred metres from where she’s meeting her friends, while my middle son, Sammy, 16, informed me last week that the Instagram reels I send him are “cringe” and can I stop in case someone on the school bus sees them.

Lego kisses

This from the boy who – at four years old – made me a whole box of Lego kisses because I was his favourite thing in the world.

I tell myself I am their boxing ring. They can push on the ropes of me as much as they want because they know I’ll love them no matter what.

But deep down I’d be lying if I said my love for them hasn’t changed since they were tiny.

While I’m undeniably proud of them, I long for the days where we bonded with cuddles, raspberries blown on little fat bellies and shared jelly and ice cream.

My love for them was limitless until I started annoying them

Clare O’Reilly

My infinite patience taught them to ride bikes, tie their shoelaces, say their pleases and thank yous. No parenting task was too much.

My love for them was limitless until I started annoying them – despite my behaviour not changing at all.

My eldest son Eddie, now 21, was the same as his younger siblings during his teenage years and it turns out I’m not alone in feeling like I was scraped off my progeny’s shoes at times.

Even J.Lo has teenage kids that ignore her.

The star, 55, admitted last month that her “heart hurts” over the fact that her twins Max and Emme, 16, want little to do with her.

How I empathise with her.

By the age of 12, Annie had gone from wanting to hang out with me to telling me I wanted too many hugs and was embarrassing her when her friends came over.

I started feeling like she was the cool girl at school and that I was my goofy, nerdy teen self again. I’d pluck up the courage to knock on her bedroom door to see if she wanted to watch a movie on a Friday night, nervously stumbling over my words.

I’d then feel dejected when she said she was busy.

I love all three of my kids equally, but I find myself feeling increasingly sick and tired of the way they treat me.

It is impossible to love them as unconditionally as I did when they were tiny.

However, child psychologist Catherine Hallissey says the teen years are a much-needed developmental phase – and one I shouldn’t be too hard on.

“As a parent, these years are simply about navigating the changing relationship,” she explains.

“Their developmental task is to individuate from their family, to begin to discover who they really are, separate from you. They’re biologically driven to push away because it prepares them for leaving the nest.

“If you take their comments and eye rolls at face value, it will really negatively impact your relationship.”

Shouldn’t I love them unconditionally, regardless of how they treat me? Parental love surely shouldn’t rely on reciprocation?

I hate feeling so negative towards the human beings I birthed and it’s hard not to berate myself for feeling like I do.

Was my parenting love for them only based on their unconditional love for me? Did I only love them when they were little because they thought the sun rose and set with me?

Shouldn’t I love them unconditionally, regardless of how they treat me? Parental love surely shouldn’t rely on reciprocation?

These are the questions I ask myself repetitively as I try to walk the line between loving them, but liking them less than I ever have.

Catherine says: “What’s really important is that we give feedback constructively.

“So, if you are coming from a place of hurt, your feedback is likely to be more emotional, whereas if you’re coming from a steady, sturdy place, you’ll see that this is a phase.

“You can say things like: ‘Did you mean to come across that way? Can you think of another way to say it?’

“That’s one bit of corrective feedback. Or: ‘Is this something you want me to stop doing? Let me know.’

“The relationship is on us as parents, though. It’s not up to a child to work for a parent’s relationship. Give feedback in a way that’s both firm and kind together.”

I’ve got eight more years combined of Annie and Sammy both being teenagers before they emerge into adulthood like my eldest, Eddie, did.

He and I are close now and he lets me hug him again, after rejecting me when he was his siblings’ age. We cook together and play cards and watch movies and it’s the hope they’ll return to me that gives me faith I won’t always feel like this about them.

I’ll have parented teenagers for 18 years by the time Annie turns 20 in 2031. The years of them being limpets will have long passed. I’ll have back the personal space I yearned for when they sat watching me on the toilet.

While I really don’t like them much right now, I’ll hold onto the thought that the love we share runs underneath the rude and snarky comments that float on the surface.

And I’ll cling to the thought that, one day, I won’t give them the “ick”.

ANTHONY JOSHUA’S hard-earned bon voyage to boxing being snatched away by Tyson Fury’s latest retirement feels like the most unsatisfying ending to a glorious sporting story.

Just days after the 35-year-old Watford legend vowed to hunt the Gypsy King down at the January 11 Ring Magazine awards, the Morecambe giant announced he was hanging up his gloves… again.

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But Fury’s decision to quit may have robbed AJ of his dream curtain call – and denied fans the chance to see the biggest fight in British history[/caption]

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Is it time for AJ to hang up his gloves too and enjoy a well-earned retirement?[/caption]

Just as AJ cheerleader-in-chief Eddie Hearn announced he had reserved Wembley for the biggest fight in British boxing history, Fury pulled the plug.

The decision won’t do Fury’s resume any harm. He got to Wladimir Klitschko 18 months before Joshua and he got to Deontay Wilder on three brilliant occasions, compared to AJ’s zero. 

And he held his own in a couple of Oleksandr Usyk defeats, making a close contest of the first, whereas AJ was dominated over both of his clashes with the Ukrainian master.

After 15 years of heavyweight magnificence, it seems criminal that Joshua fans must now settle for a slugfest with Wilder diehards over who was the third best big man of their era.

Especially when it seemed set in stone that Joshua and Fury would finally meet, over two stupendously-rich fights in Riyadh and London, and leave nobody in any doubt who the best Brit giant is since Lennox Lewis.

Both men need redemption, both giants want to be big again after little Usyk belittled their size and abilities with four masterful performances and zero trash talk.

If Fury has – and we are not buying it – walked away from the sport, and the £500million two-fight deal, then it leaves Our AJ with a problem.

Joshua missed the Wilder boat and he was sunk by Usyk’s genius. 

Fury was his chance to get up back to the surface for air and potentially sail off into the sunset.

He once told us that – in the middle of his bad boy days when he was saved from a serious stretch inside – he chose to treat his boxing career like a prison sentence.

He was going to eat, sleep, train and fight when and where he was told to.

He was going to lose, sacrifice and yearn for the things that normal people take for granted.

So that when he finished his time, he could become a free man and reap the rewards of his gruelling solitude at the deep end of the hardest sport.

After a couple of failed appearances at the parole board, a possible legacy-defining win over Fury looked like his last real crack at a decent farewell strategy. 

But if Fury has beaten him to the exit and vanished with an earlier and more respected Klitschko win – plus the three sensational Wilder bouts – then he can lay claim to being the finest British heavyweight of his era, the UK’s greatest since Lewis.

And what of second-placed Joshua? 

Does he plod on with high-risk-low-reward opponents who will target his frail confidence and chin like Daniel Dubois did with such devastating success?

Or does he hang his gloves up too and go out on the back of a savage knockout that might itself end up cruelly defining a life and career worthy of so much more respect?

We shall wait and see.

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Joshua, seen celebrating with his 2012 gold medal, has done his country proud[/caption]

News Group Newspapers Ltd

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His clash with Klitschko in 2017 was named Fight of the Year and saw AJ add to his collection of world title belts[/caption]

Joshua has paid his dues and served his time to King and country. 

He deserves to walk out on his terms, to a roaring crowd that appreciates him and his underdog achievements.

But while it has been an honour to cover his many high and lows in the ring, the finest story Fleet Street has on Anthony Joshua is one we can never write.

It’s not a scandal or a cover-up or wrapped up in a non-disclosure agreement.

It’s an act of utterly selfless kindness that he only agreed to do if we didn’t use it to flog a few more papers.

With his exploits with the gloves on – his 2011 World Championships silver in Baku, London 2012 gold and two title reigns – he has got us jobs, earned us pay rises, helped us get mortgages and raise our children.

But the handful of hacks who traipse around the country – and in and out of Saudi – won’t print the moment away from the ropes that endeared him to us forever.

Because he asked us to.

Robbing AJ of that final fight will be a stroke of evil genius from the mind-games master

In a sport utterly built on hype and blags and bulls**t, he swore to secrecy the very people who could best celebrate his kindest deed.

It’s what has always made it hard to report on his failings in the ring – but also why we will never let anyone question the integrity of the man away from it.

It’s why most of us, like his legions of fans around the world, will feel gutted if the overdue Fury fight – after years of Gypsy-King torment and the savage September Dubois knockout – doesn’t materialise. 

For Team Fury, robbing AJ of that one huge final fight – one that made him break with protocol and admit publicly how much he needs it – will be a stroke of evil genius from the mind-games master.

But it will leave Joshua trapped between a rock and a hard punch, having to choose between  a couple of underwhelming opponents he would be expected to beat, like Joe Joyce or Lawrence Okolie.

Or fed to younger, hungrier, fresher predators like Fabio Wardley and Moses Itauma.

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The shock loss to Dubois has left AJ at an unexpected crossroads[/caption]

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Fellow Brit Moses Itauma is tearing through the heavyweight division and could be a possible opponent for AJ[/caption]

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Fabio Wardley, left, might also relish a chance to test himself against AJ if he sticks around[/caption]

With a personal fortune the Sunday Times Rich List rates at a very modest £200million, mega-money sponsorship deals with Hugo boss, Lucozade, UnderArmour and Range Rover, and a property portfolio that boasts flagship buildings in Mayfair and Bond Street, AJ has it all sewn up.

Every major British broadcaster would bend over backwards to make him their star sports pundit or presenter and Sylvester Stallone would be wise to offer him a Rocky or Expendables script.

But it seems much more likely that Joshua would prefer to vanish from the spotlight, help run the brilliant Finchley ABC gym with his mentor Sean Murphy and continue trying to discreetly support the amateur code of the sport that turned his life around.

He may enjoy more of his Dubai holidays that he has enjoyed post-fight and offer him the sort of privacy he cannot get anywhere else.

The most nourishing break we have seen him appear to take has been the most recent one to Nigeria where he mixed with locals, met presidents, trained kids, and reconnected with the home his parents left for the UK, and an unscheduled retirement may allow him to spend more time there.

But whether this boxing crossroads leads him to hang up his gloves and become the first black James Bond who rules Hollywood – or he slips out of the spotlight and reinvests his fortune and experience and knowledge into grassroots boxing – bowing out flat on his face after a brutal loss to Dubois will feel like the cruellest end to a career that changed the nation.

Not catching Wilder at his peak looks like a catastrophic clanger

And fans will be left wondering how – after the London 2012 legend successfully rebuilt after heartbreaking defeats to Andy Ruiz Jr and Usyk – the golden-brick road led to a such a dramatic drop-off.

That’s not to say everything AJ has touched up to this point has turned to gold.

But whatever setbacks he has faced, he’s always seemed to find a way back.

After success-after-masterstoke-after-windfall, Team Joshua made their first big mistake when they failed to make the undisputed Deontay Wilder fight over an 18-month period.

AJ had wiped out Charles Martin for the IBF crown in 2016, became a sensation and added the WBA strap with the 2017 Wladimir Klitschko Wembley win and sealed the crucial third WBO belt with a cautious points win over Joseph Parker in 2018.

All the while, Tyson Fury had been floored by a doping charge and a breakdown.

And over in America and on a much smaller scale, Deontay Wilder was obliterating far lesser opponents.

But when crunch time came, and hung around, Team Joshua infuriatingly failed to do a deal with the Bronze Bomber.

And by December 2018 a resurgent Fury slipped in to face the Alabama slammer and reestablished himself as a major player with the iconic 12th round performance and thoroughly decent way he accepted a harsh draw.

It looked like a poor AJBoxing decision then.

And – following the two pastings Fury dished out to the American KO king to complete the trilogy and his dismal showings against Joseph Parker and Zhilei Zhang – not catching Wilder at his ‘peak’ now looks more like a catastrophic clanger.

More was to follow too.

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Fury got the better of Wilder in one of boxing’s all-time great trilogies – while AJ never tied down a deal to fight the Bronze Bomber[/caption]

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Fury also got to Klitschko before AJ which could be used in the battle for bragging rights[/caption]

Six months after Fury’s freakish courage and confidence against Wilder made him a household hero again, the business brains behind AJ’s own bravery and skill blew his career horrifically off course.

After months of training to rematch 6ft 4in Dillian Whyte in April, then 6ft 6in MMA trash talker Jarrell Miller at the start of June, the shameless American drug cheat was caught waddling round with Chernobyl levels of toxicity coursing through his clogged arteries.

Desperate to keep their star attraction’s US debut on, AJ’s promoter Hearn and new broadcasters DAZN spent a week looking for a replacement and finally settled on a total outlier and underdog in Ruiz Jr.

The unknown chubster’s only selling point was that he was Mexican and that would help the upstart streaming app – that had just handed AJ a £100million deal – navigate a perfect way into the lucrative South American and US markets.

It didn’t matter that it was deemed a mismatch of Adonis vs a donut, it didn’t matter that Ruiz was only 5ft 11in, it didn’t matter that he had boxed six weeks earlier.

Thankfully Ruiz’s appetite for fast food outweighed his desire to cling on to the WBA, IBF and WBO crowns

It mattered that the suits behind AJ had found a lamb for their cash cow to supposedly slaughter.

AJ’s modest Birmingham coach Rob McCracken loathes interviews and wouldn’t let SunSport anywhere near him at the time.

Thankfully the brilliant boxing writer Ron Lewis – a much-missed class act McCracken trusted – was there and paved the way for a chat.

McCracken confirmed our fears that such a drastic change of opponent – at such late notice – was seriously dangerous. 

He knew that Ruiz Jr was a live dog in the fight and had been very unlucky not to beat Parker in his New Zealand backyard in 2016.

He also knew AJ had been struggling with a medical problem that – to his and his team’s eternal credit – has remained top-secret to this day.

We spotted, on his Monday arrival, a stye infection around his eye that hints at a struggling immune system.

And on his walk to the ring he was chewing nervously before getting a relaxing massage in his corner – moments before the bell – when he needed the total opposite in red-hot stimulation.

In the aftermath these alarm bells rang loud and clear but McCracken’s and our concerns would have been cooled by the first two Madison Square Garden rounds and the textbook knockdown his star student landed early in the third.

But moments later, after curvy Ruiz Jr had bounced back up and clipped AJ around the temple, his perfect world started to unravel.

Thankfully for Joshua’s rebuild and rematch, Ruiz Jr’s appetite for fast food and long parties outweighed his desire to cling on to the WBA, IBF and WBO crowns.

And when he rolled into the desert re-run at 20st months later, Joshua jabbed and jigged back to prominence.

Paul Edwards

AJ has built up a huge property portfolio, including this £20m site in London’s New Bond Street[/caption]

Alamy

Joshua has landed some huge sponsorship deals, including with Hugo Boss[/caption]

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Joshua, seen here with Jamie Oliver, is also signed up to Land Rover[/caption]

PA

The former champ’s commercial partners include Lucozade and Under Armour[/caption]

Sadly the damage to the McCracken relationship was done and their classy decade-long partnership unraveled.

The same man he revered and hailed as ‘The General’ and his very own Sir Alex Ferguson was marginalized and finally ousted.

Fury’s lost years were between 2015 and 2018 when he failed a drugs test for nandrolone, went into the magnificent Klitschko win knowing his career was in freefall and then battled drink, drug, obesity and mental health problems. 

But Joshua wasted prime years of his career – between 2019 and 2022 – searching for improvement in all the wrong places, without a reliable boxing man in his corner to be the rudder for the ship.

It’s massively commendable that he has promoted childhood friends to positions of power within his organisation and technical team.

But when he chose an unproven trainer to help transform him from a 18st knockout artist to a stick-and-move stylist, somebody truly close to him should have spoken up.

If Erling Haaland decided he was going to headhunt a pub-league coach to turn him into a left back, we reckon Pep Guardiola or dad Alf-Inge would step in and stop the disaster.

The Dubois build-up was a horrific logistical failure by a team who had one job

Instead Team Joshua stocked up on sunglasses and cigars and enjoyed the private jets as Angel Fernandez, Joby Clayton, Robert Garcia and Derrick James came in and went out.

In that time Usyk had snatched away all his belts over two fights and lowkey comeback wins over Jermaine Franklin and Robert Helenius had drawn low attendances and ungrateful boos from Wembley arena.

It felt hard to criticise.

Fighters are the bravest people in sport and, in almost every interview, we try to dig into their past and their darkness, while Premier League footballers get softballs about their transfer plans, boots deals or secret mistresses.

So after that second loss in Saudi, when he broke down in tears and said he felt guilty for letting us – the United Kingdom – down, it was painful.

But he has proven time and again he will only stop on his terms, and to see him happy  under trainer Ben Davison and knocking people like Otto Wallin and Francis Ngannou out with throwback performances has been great.

And although his media commitments are rare and rushed and shorter with every fight, he is yet to give us the sort of cold and empty interviews we usually expect.

Joshua will recount to us his bricklaying days, the charge for cannabis possession, the brief time on remand at Reading prison, we even get the odd mention of son JJ who prefers scrambler motorbikes to boxing.

AJ gave us gold before the Daniel Dubois fight about a recent row down a Watford pub where a young lad disrespected him and – rather than slip out the backdoor to avoid confrontation – he fronted up to the yob who understandably lost his bottle.

Things seemed to be going so well – right up until that Dubois bout.

But unlike the Ruiz stunner, the warning signs, like the fighter, arrived way too late.

Unforgivably, AJ turned up for his IBF world title shot at a packed out Wembley stadium at about the same time chief support Liam Gallagher did, about an hour before the first bell.

It was a horrific logistical failure for a team that had one job.

And when Dubois almost decapitated him in the very opening round, those traffic excuses were not going to be enough to absolve the team of blame, as another rebuild ensued.

Then, once Fury failed in his second attempt to beat Usyk, it seemed AJ had the ideal shot at redemption and revenge on a plate, against the perfect dance partner.

Filterless Fury – whether due to his Traveller showmanship, bi-polar disorder or attention-begging dad – has always shown a desire to be loved and a willingness to share.

Barring a couple of unscheduled and unscripted moments, AJ has remained uber-private and ice cool.

Joshua funds and supports the Clean Herts Programme to help struggling kids around his home but his team politely rejects media approaches to cover events.

Perhaps AJ is paying the price for being too planned and polished.

In lockdown he came into the Sun office and worked on a campaign highlighting the magnificent work our NHS was doing.

Fury opened his Instagram and home up to us and did a daily workout with the nation.

Occasionally a child would run in causing beautiful chaos or Fury and childhood sweetheart Paris would embrace.

It endeared the Fury family to the country, at a time of national crisis, and probably paved the way for the ITV docs, best selling books and Netflix series that followed.

A PR executive ensconced in elite sport and showbiz once pestered me for the name of Fury’s big-money social media svengali.

Like most of his contemporaries, was he paying a fortune to Freuds or Saatchi & Saatchi?

The truth is he wasn’t giving a penny to Pinky & Perky.

Fury and his band of brothers, friends, coaches and training partners do their shtick on a whim. 

But neither Fury or AJ needed a marketing campaign planned in a Soho vegan pet shop to sell their fight.

It was box-office gold and we were champing at the bit to pack Wembley out and watch the desert version on Sky, DAZN and TNT at any price they wanted to set.

We want to see AJ go out at the top, on the crest of a wave, not on his shield.

Fury’s decision to quit has denied us fans the exit we wanted, and more importantly for AJ, the Hollywood farewell he deserves.

GQ / Matthew Brooke

AJ’s shrewd business brain has helped him amass a fortune of around £200m[/caption]

Getty

AJ and Eddie Hearn have some big decisions to make[/caption]

@anthonyjoshua

No one could begrudge the former heavyweight king if he decided to sail off into the sunset[/caption]

Mark Robinson

Or perhaps he will go back to where it all began, at Finchley ABC gym[/caption]

SPRING is just weeks away – and below ground, your garden is getting ready for a glow-up.

Whether you plant in pots on patios, on your windowsill, or in beautiful beds, there are jobs that need doing NOW to make your outside space look lovely this spring and summer.

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Make your outside space look lovely this summer by following our tips[/caption]

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It’s time to think about all the showy flowers that will bring the best blooms to your outside space[/caption]

Olivia West

Sun gardening editor Veronica Lorraine has ten jobs you can tackle right now[/caption]

Plant vibrant blooms like ranunculus, sweet peas and wildflowers, while sneaking in herbs and edible flowers. Mulch creatively, upcycle quirky planters and start a bug hotel for helpful insects.

Gardening needn’t be back-breaking, either. In fact, studies show that the activity reduces stress and anxiety, and can even boost sleep.

So it’s an ideal way to banish those winter blues.

Plus, none of these tips costs a lot of money – some are even free.

If your green fingers are itching, Sun gardening editor Veronica Lorraine has ten jobs you can tackle right now.

GO BOLD WITH BULBS

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Plant your collection of bulbs as soon as the soil warms up[/caption]

It’s time to think about all the glorious, showy flowers that will bring the biggest and best blooms to your outside space.

Many garden centres are doing the job for you, with bags of 100 to 300 summer bulbs starting to appear on the shelves.

But if you prefer to make your own choices, flowers like begonias, gladioli, lilies, crocosmia, peonies and calla lilies are a good place to start.

Get your collection together now and plant them as soon as the soil warms up – hopefully within the next few weeks.

They look great in pots, or as part of a wider colour scheme in your garden.

SHARPEN YOUR TOOLS

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WD40 and sandpaper will help bring your tools back to life[/caption]

Chances are you’ll have chucked all your tools in the back of the shed, caked in mud, with the best of intentions to clean them at the end of last summer. And they still look a sorry mess.

But a good gardener never blames their tools and now is the time to get them all in order, ready for the growing season. You don’t need fancy oils.

A squirt of WD40 is perfect for bringing the spring back, while sandpaper or iron wool, rubbed gently on tools, will get rid of rust. A cheap sharpening stone can get your secateurs and shears back on point.

MOW TO MAKE YOUR LAWN LUSH

More likely than not, your grass is looking a little for-lawn, start thinking about getting it in order.

There’s nothing wrong with cutting your grass now, despite what all the mowing companies claim.

Just make sure you have your machine on the highest level and only mow when grass is dry. You can start sorting out the edges with a half moon tool to get a good, clean finish and repair the bare patches.

Finally, give it a good feed using autumn/winter fertiliser. Keep fallen leaves and other detritus off with regular raking and you should start to see the difference as the weather warms up.

BRING IN THE BIRDS

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Now is the best time to encourage birds in by putting up feeders and nest boxes[/caption]

Our feathered friends are the perfect pest control – and now is the time to encourage them in, before they disappear off to nest.

Put up bird feeders and nest boxes to keep them coming back for more and they’ll reward you by eating slugs, snails and plant-bothering insects during the year.

Nesting season starts around now and really picks up next month, so you want to have boxes in place for any feathered friends that are scoping out your space.

Top tip: sparrows and most tits prefer small entrance holes. But robins, wrens and pied wagtails prefer open-fronted boxes.

Place them at least a metre off the ground and don’t put them too close to bird feeders as the activity could disturb nesting pairs.

MAKE PEAS WITH YOUR GARDEN

It’s time to sow sweetpeas. These fragrant beauties like space for their roots, so rather than splash out on deep pots, use old toilet roll tubes. You can then plant them straight in the soil without disturbing the new roots.

The cardboard will rot down and add to your soil structure, so it’s a win-win. And you can plant garden peas for eating straight into the ground. $

Soak the seeds overnight to give them a good start. Ideally get your support in place when you plant them, rather than trying to work around the pea shoots when they’re bigger. Any old sticks will do, arranged in a teepee or A-frame shape.

GET PLANTS FOR FREE

This is the perfect time to divide large clumps of snowdrops or ornamental grasses if you have them in your garden.

Dig them up and use a sharp knife, a spade or a hori hori – a Japanese weeding knife – to split them into however many clumps you need, making sure the roots stay intact.

Then replant them and voila – you have free plants! We’re also coming into Seed Swap time – so check your local social media groups to see who’s up for adding to their collection. It’s a great way of meeting like-minded people in your area as well.

GO FOR BARE ROOT ROSES

February is a good time to get bare root roses in. These are roses that arrive without a pot or soil, with just their roots showing.

Not only are they cheaper than pot-bound roses, but they often establish much quicker and grow faster.

You’ve got a few more weeks to do this – just avoid planting them in waterlogged or frozen soil. They will start to come out of dormancy around March.

PRUNE LIKE A PRO

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When pruning, remember the three Ds – dead, diseased and damaged[/caption]

While your roses, wisteria, grape vines, and apple and pear trees are dormant – meaning the period before they start growing again – cut them back with your newly sharpened secateurs.

Roses can take a hard hit. It doesn’t really matter what you do, they nearly always come back.

But don’t take off more than a third of your apples, or they will grow loads of water shoots – thin shoots which sprout from trunks and branches and rarely, if ever, produce fruit. And there’s an artform to wisteria. Cut it back to two or three buds.

When pruning, just remember the three Ds – dead, diseased and damaged – and you can’t go wrong.

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Roses can take a hard hit[/caption]

START YOUR WAR ON SLUGS NOW

Use a homemade garlic drench to put off slugs while your seedlings come up.

Use one garlic bulb – 55p in Tesco right now – per litre of water and boil it up.

Mash it up with the back of a fork when it’s gone soft and sieve out the garlic skin and any bits. Once it’s cool, dilute 2-3 tablespoons of the liquid in a filled watering can.

Soak your soil, pots or plants with it now, especially if you know slugs have a favourite nook or cranny – and it should go some way to deterring them. You’ll need to repeat this every so often during the summer season.

GIVE YOUR DAHLIAS A HEAD START

There’s a school of thought that to get your dahlias flowering earlier – and in a stronger place for when the slugs really start to multiply – you should get them into pots now, but indoors or in a greenhouse.

Put them sprout side up and cover loosely with a well-draining potting mix.

Keep them moist, but not wet, in a cool, sunny spot. And don’t be tempted to plant them outside until May when the last frosts have passed.

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