Charles had to wait seven decades to become king and over that time many expressed their skepticism that he had what it takes. There was even a TV show, King Charles III, which predicted he’d cause a constitutional crisis by interfering in politics. But, to be fair to Charles, he’s avoided major controversy and done the work even while undergoing cancer treatment.
But over in the Royal Lodge in Windsor Park, there’s a grumbling sack of misery and resentment who feels that he’d be doing a much better job. I am, of course, talking about everyone’s favorite corpulent punching bag, Prince Andrew, who celebrates his 65th birthday today (Feb. 20). Previous birthdays have been glamorous, star-studded affairs but after, y’know, all that Epstein stuff, this will be a small-scale affair at home likely attended by his ex-wife and daughters.
Andrew is said to spend his time shambling around the decaying Royal Lodge, with deep resentments festering inside him. One of the biggest encompasses his entire life, his belief that he should have been born first, as he’d make a far better king than Charles ever could.
A peek into what’s boiling his princely brain comes in Tom Quinn’s book Gilded Youth. This claims that has always “looked down on Charles.” This seems to be based on their mutual education at the terrifying Gordonstoun School. Here, Charles was bullied and initially regarded as frightened and weak, although he ended up becoming the head boy. Andrew’s time there was quite different, with his fellow students describing him (as per The Palace Papers‘ author Tina Brown) as “big-headed, arrogant, and deluded about his own intelligence.” Sounds like those kids were spot on.
Quinn evaluates Andrew’s dismissal of Charles’ abilities over his life and straightforwardly concludes that he thinks “he would make a much better king than his eldest brother.” It’s perhaps worth remembering that there’s still a path for Andrew to take the throne, though this would require the deaths of Charles, William and his children, and Harry and his children. So unlikely, but not impossible.
So what might a King Andy look like? Well, first up we can guarantee many Buckingham Palace servants would rapidly update their LinkedIn profiles: if he was a nightmare as a prince he’s going to be impossible as king. Bigger problems would arise when he has to do the boring job of meeting people and shaking hands. I’m not alone in saying I’d only shake hands with Andrew if I was wearing a hazmat suit, so his social calendar might be less busy than he imagines.
Beyond all that, there’s the simple fact that Andrew is so incredibly unpopular that his taking the throne would lead to an explosion of republicanism in the United Kingdom. People are simply not going to stand for (as the U.K.’s deputy prime minister is reported to have said) “that nonce” ruling over them. So, either the country decides anything is better than being Andrew’s subject or they force him to abdicate, which I guess means we’d get Queen Beatrice as she’s next in line. Either way, I guess we’re saying happy birthday to Andrew today — here’s hoping he doesn’t have to suffer through many more birthday parties.
