SPARE a thought for all men as the temperatures plummet near zero this week and they become at risk of getting ‘winter penis’.
Yes, along with the coughs, colds and the seemingly never-ending flu, there’s another health ailment to worry about – and it could affect their performance in the bedroom.
Doctors (yes, actual medical professionals) have described ‘winter penis’ as the body’s temporary response to colder weather.
Considered a normal physiological change rather than a medical condition, it causes the penis and testicles to shrink in size – potentially reducing up to 50 per cent in length, and 30 per cent in girth.* Yikes.
Just 5% of erect penises are bigger than 6.3 inches
Someone who knows all too well about life with a smaller than average member is Jake Timms – the 36-year-old army veteran from Hereford has a 2.9 inch penis.
According to the “Am I Normal?” study, 5.16 inches (13.1cm) is the average length of a penis when erect. Just five per cent of erect penises are bigger than 6.3 inches (16cm) long.
But Jake firmly believes good things come in small packages and his mini manhood is nothing to be embarrassed about (even if his mum has laughed at him).
Here, Jake reveals all about life with a micro penis, his sex life and what the ladies (including his very satisfied girlfriend) really think.
For me, it isn’t about the size of your penis, it’s what you do with it that matters. I’ve always known my todger is below average, but it wasn’t until I joined the Army that I realised how small it was in comparison to everyone else’s.
They all used to tease me, pointing at my crotch and saying how tiny it was. They’d be like, “Oi, mate, I’ve got something stuck in my teeth, can I use your willy as dental floss?”
But I never felt bullied, it was just lads’ banter and I was never offended. In fact, I used to laugh along with them. The size of my manhood doesn’t actually bother me so I guess the teasing doesn’t either.
I’ve probably had more laughs from men over the years than I have women. I’ve never had an issue in the bedroom, and climaxing isn’t a problem either.
I do have to buy the tiny condoms, but what does that matter? I’d rather a condom fit properly and I’m protected than it slip off because it’s too big. Thankfully that has never happened to me!
I was 16 when I lost my virginity and I think we were both so nervous at it being our first time that size didn’t even come into it. She also didn’t have anyone else to compare me to, which was a result. I got away with that one!
I’m sure past lovers have probably thought ‘Oh that’s a small one’ but I’ve never been told of any complaints to my face. In fact, there was a point when I was telling women on dates that I had a micro penis just to get it out of the way. Some of them didn’t believe me until we got into bed, but at least I was honest and no one was left disappointed.
For me pleasuring a woman isn’t just about penetration. I like to concentrate on foreplay and being caring, all the soppy stuff. There is definitely more to sex than the size of your penis. It’s about technique. And let’s face it, it’s when it’s erect that matters.
I remember when I was a teenager and I had some fluid around my testicles that needed surgery, and I asked the doctor at the time, ‘Am I a normal size? Will it grow?’ He did say it looked below average and it would grow some more, but it only did a bit.
There was a point when I was telling women on dates that I had a micro penis
Jake Timms
People have asked me if I would have a penis enlargement, but I wouldn’t. Anything could go wrong and I wouldn’t take the risk. I’ve not had any health problems and my willy works perfectly fine so I don’t see the point in going down the surgery route. I’ll keep what I’ve got thanks.
I did wonder if me having a small willy was a hereditary issue though, but I have two older brothers, Mark, 38 and Simon, 40, and they both have perfectly normal sized penises. I joke to my mum all the time that they took my share in the trouser department, but she just laughs.
And I don’t think my girlfriend, Penny, 33, would be too happy if something went wrong during a penis enlargement. I certainly don’t get any complaints from her when it comes to intimacy and we have a very healthy sex life.
What is a winter penis?
Dr Crystal Wyllie, from Asda Online Doctor said: “While all men are at risk of winter penis, those that already have erectile dysfunction are most likely to encounter problems.”
She warned: “Those with erectile dysfunction are most at risk as they could find their symptoms more difficult to manage.”
There’s no treatment necessary for winter penis as it’s just a reaction to cold weather.
Penis size should return to normal once you reach a warmer place.
“The reaction can last as long as the body is exposed to cold temperatures, with size returning to normal once the body returns to a warmer, more comfortable state,” advised Dr Donald Grant, GP and Senior Clinical Advisor at The Independent Pharmacy.
But if someone is experiencing problems associated with blood flow or experience a long-term change in size or shape of genitals, it’s always safe to seek more tailored advice from their GP, said Dr Grant.
We have known each other for years, but only started dating two years ago and we are really happy. She has no issue with the size of my todger and gets everything she needs from me in terms of sex and a relationship, and likewise.
My tiny todger certainly hasn’t held me back from enjoying sex. I have the same urges and needs as everyone else.
I’m not working at the moment as I am suffering from PTSD from my time in Afghanistan, but it hasn’t stopped me from jobs in the past. After the Army, I worked in construction and the work was hard and physical – I didn’t feel as if I needed a big willy to prove that I am a man!
I do wear baggy shorts and swimming shorts, but that’s more of a comfort and style thing than it is me trying to hide myself away. You wouldn’t catch me in a pair of budgie smugglers even if I had a huge dick.
What is a micro penis?
In adults, the condition refers to any penis smaller than 2.8 inches in length.
In infants, a micro penis is classed as any penis that is less than 0.75 inches in length.
This is considered significantly smaller than a “normal” male newborn’s penis, which is between 1.1 and 1.6 inches in length when stretched gently.
If anything I actually prefer having a small penis – I’d much rather that than a massive wanger. There was a bloke in the Army who had an above average penis. It was obviously the complete opposite to mine, it was absolutely massive. I remember he used to say that girls didn’t like it as it was far too big so it made sex really painful and unenjoyable.
I don’t have that problem, so I have to count my blessings really.
I’m proud to have a micro penis. It is part of who I am and it has probably given me the confidence I have now.
If there is anyone out there who is worried about the size of their manhood then I’d say you don’t need to be. Embrace what you’ve got. I certainly do!
*Fortunately, penis size should return to normal once you’re in a warmer place.
