LYING back in the throes of passion, bed sheets tangled and limbs sweaty, Tracy Kiss, 37, knows she is reaching the height of passion.
But instead of thinking about the hairy – very male – body on top of her as the moment hits, Tracy is fantasising about a very different partner.
A partner with soft skin, full lips – and XX chromosomes.
Yet Tracy isn’t bisexual or lesbian. Instead, she’s part of a growing group of women who, while heterosexual, secretly fantasise about other women.
“I just think girls are sexier,” she says. “They have nicer bodies and I imagine they would turn you on more and know exactly what to do.”
Tracy, a life coach and gift shop owner, from Bucks, describes her fantasy woman saying: “She’s indistinct, but she’s gorgeous and knows exactly what to do.
“It’s her I think about as I orgasm.”
In the real world, Tracy is mum to a 17-year-old daughter and 12-year-old son, and her same-sex experience is limited to a few “passionate girl-on-girl” kisses when she was in her 20s.
“I was drunk when they happened,” she says. “So I have to confess I don’t remember much.”
I look at some women in the street… and wonder what they would look like in their underwear
Tracy Kiss
Tracy certainly isn’t alone in fantasising during sex – surveys have found 65% of women report vivid erotic fantasies during love-making.
She says that since her 20s she has almost always imagined women while making love.
“To use a meal metaphor, I consider the man I’m actually making love with the main course, but the women in my head the starter and dessert,” she says. “I want him, but women turn me on in a way men don’t… I can’t help it.”
“I’m not alone in thinking this,” she says. “Friends feel the same. They appreciate women for their aura.
“By that I mean their complexities, their intricacies, their good, their bad. Sex isn’t just sex. It’s so much more.
“It’s why you can look at a woman and find her so sexual, but simultaneously not be gay.”
She is backed up by both anecdotal evidence and science.
Same-sex fantasies are a common topic on internet mum’s message boards, while a 2015 University of Essex study found that many heterosexual women became aroused when looking at photos of naked women.
Yet many women who fantasise about girls wouldn’t dream of acting on those thoughts.
For her part, Tracy says she would never make love to a woman.
Describing her ideal woman, she says: “I look at some women in the street in awe and wonder what they would look like in their underwear.
“I’m really into fitness – I go to the gym regularly – and I fancy women who are really healthy and strong.
“I like warrior women.”
Angelina Jolie is fantastic. She has these amazing cheekbones, a powerful aura… she’s gorgeous, like a gazelle running the Sahara
Tracy Kiss
She continues: “I would fancy Wonder Woman or Zena Warrior Princess, only they aren’t real.
“Angelina Jolie is fantastic. She has these amazing cheekbones, a powerful aura… she’s gorgeous, like a gazelle running the Sahara.”
She’s also captivated by Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz.
“She seems fun and bubbly… I love her energy,” she says. “But I wouldn’t want to be intimate with them, I just think they’re sexy.”
What your sexual fantasies say about you
By Emma Kenny, a TV presenter and psychologist
Raucous Role Play: If your partner enjoys dressing up for fun, it shows creativity and a desire to keep things exciting. However, it might signal that he struggles with responsibility.
Multi-Partner Fantasies: Craving variety doesn’t always mean he wants to cheat. However, it could indicate deeper feelings of unfulfillment.
Power & Control: A little dominance is normal, but if it’s always about control, it may hide insecurities.
Adventure: Men seeking thrills may push boundaries, so be sure your comfort zone is respected.
Passion: If he’s romantic, he’s emotionally tuned in—though occasionally avoiding tough conversations.
Flexibility: Openness to new experiences is great, but constant novelty-seeking could mean avoiding emotional connection.
Red Flag: If control is his ultimate fantasy, it may signal a deeper struggle with power dynamics.
Despite being adamant she wouldn’t have sex with a woman, Tracy does watch lesbian porn, both with her male partner and alone.
Tracy admits not all of her boyfriends have been happy about her fantasies – and that some relationships have floundered because of them.
To use a meal metaphor, I consider the man I’m actually making love with the main course, but the women in my head the starter and dessert
Tracy Kiss
“A few men can’t handle I’m having sex with them but thinking about a woman,” she says. “But it’s not like I don’t love them – I really do.
“They didn’t need to worry. I’m incredibly faithful physically… just not in my mind.”
She claims women experience “emotional orgasms” but men’s orgasms are “more physical”.
“For me, emotional stimulation is key, and my fantasies play a crucial role in my healthy heterosexual sex life.”
Sex and your body
Everything you need to know about sex and your body
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Can you have sex on your period?
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Tracy says that while watching lesbian porn may be taboo, with many women reluctant to admit to it, the videos can be instructive and empowering, helping women to better understand their own bodies.
“Just as you wouldn’t learn to ride a bike by driving a truck, watching men have sex with women doesn’t teach you how to orgasm as a woman.
“Lesbian porn is gentle, loving, and inspiring.
“Watching real women having real orgasms can teach us how to have the best sex.”
Backed up by science
Increasing evidence suggests that women’s sexuality is more fluid than previously thought.
Dr Gerulf Rieger, who led the 2015 Essex University study, said: “Our research shows that, when it comes to what turns them on, they [women] are usually bisexual or gay, but never totally straight.
“When it comes to straight women and sexual arousal there is such a disconnect between what a woman tells me and what her body does.
“It suggests that it’s a different world for women when it comes to their sexuality.”
None of this comes as a surprise to Tracy.
“The sex doctor’s right,” she says, upon learning about the research. “Women are so complex, compared to men who largely view sex as a purely physical act.
“For me, while I know I’m straight, I appreciate the beauty and intimacies of a woman.
“So I fancy men… but I fantasise about women.”
Tracy fancies women… but says she would never act on it[/caption]
